Alone and feeling lonely

Hsinchu is a bustling city.  Scooters, people and ads everywhere yet I arrived home last night to my apartment and felt so alone.  A friend had cancelled her vague last minute plans with me.  I was upset.  I was alone and lonely - because there is indeed a difference between the two.  I love the lord and I know he resides with me so how could I feel alone?  I then felt guilty for feeling lonely and upset! 

Why do I invest emotionally in people so much ? I questioned.  Why do I try so hard to keep in contact ?  Why ? Why ? Why? Why would I be craving contact and connection with others when I have my best friend with me all the time? 

Good question Sarah! 

So I sobbed my heart out to the Lord.  It felt like he had forgotten my needs.  I felt hated by him.  I felt angry and it felt like he wasn't there.  I guess that is what I was needing to do-  commuin, engage and connect with God!  I needed to let it all out before him.  Even though I was trying to pretend it's all okay.  It was not.

So often I pretend everything is okay but it's not and these are opportunities not problems!  They can be solved if we are real about them.  Speak up dear heart.  Let it out before God.  

When it felt like he was withholding good things from me he was actually just desiring deeper intimacy with me. 

You are powerful.  

Speak out your needs.  

Speak about your desires. 

All is possible with God. 

He cares for the smallest mumor of yours!

Love, 

Phoenix and Sarah